Al CUPone: Origins



We've all heard of Out of Commission's infamous mascot, The Commissioner. But, very few people know of the humble beginnings from which he rose. This will be the first installment in a series of stories about the legendary commissioner - Al CUPone.

Al CUPone: Origins

May 2nd, 1920, Herbert and Marie CUPone were tragically kidnapped from their home and were murdered in cold blood, during a gruesome game of beer pong. Al, only a young cup at the time, had his entire world flipped onto a table. Having just lost his uncle Vinny in The Great Kegger of ’18, Al was left an orphan without anyone to support him.

He grieved for months; spending what little money he had left on essentials for survival. He needed to find a source of income before he would be kicked out into the cold aisles of the supermarket. After being evicted by the supermarket’s manager, Al was left homeless and desperate.

Al checked his pockets, only 25 cents left. He figured he’d fill himself with a drink one last time before settling in an alley for a long, dark night. He approached the back entrance of a local market, which was a front for a well-known speakeasy, called Fat Tony’s. He stumbled to the door, knocking with three distinct pounds. Barry Beerbong, one of Al’s childhood friends, opened the door with a smile,

“What’s up Al? Here to have a cold one?”

“Yeah Barry, figured I’d spend da last of my money on some drinks.”

Barry and Al sat down at the bar, and ordered two Fat Tony’s Famous Brews. They reminisced of childhood memories and current misfortunes, as Barry consoled Al on the death of his parents.

“What am I gonna do Barry? I aint got no money, I aint got no home, and I aint got no girl.”

Barry reached over, softly touched Al’s rim, and said,

“Don’t worry pal. I got just the guy for you to meet.”

Barry pointed towards a large man dressed to the 9s sporting a gold cane and a cigar. He was surrounded by the most beautiful women in the club, and it was evident that he was a man of importance.

“That’s Fat Tony himself. If you didn’t already know, he owns this joint and many others alike. Fat Tony is the richest guy in town, and if you know him, money is sure to come your way. ”

“What would a guy like that wanna do with a cup like me?”

“You got a lot of good qualities, Al. You’re smart, bright red, hold 16 ounces of liquid, and you sure can take a flippin’. All them things would be quite useful to a man like Tony. Go over there and introduce yourself.”

Al nervously sauntered over to Fat Tony’s table and cleared his throat.

“Umm, excuse me sir. My name is Al CUPone and I heard that you could potentially have some work for me.”

“Who sent you to me?”

Al nervously pointed towards Barry Beer Bong, and Barry shat on the floor with a smile.  Fat Tony looked at Al and said, “Barry’s always been scared shitless of me. But he’s a good loyal kid, ya know?” Al looked at his feet and sighed as he proceeded to tell Tony about his recent tragedies.

“Fat Tony, I really need some work. I will literally do ANYTHING for you. I would even clean up after Barry for you right now!”

“I don’t know son, I don’t give any jobs to cups I don’t know. All I know about you is that you’re red and your parents are dead. Its sad and all but pity don’t get you paid. You gotta be strong, boy. Now, go clean up Barry’s shit.”

Al stumbled over towards the pile of excrement and started to wipe it down. Moments later, chaos erupted in the front of Fat Tony’s Club. The sound of police sirens filled the room and the partiers frantically abandoned their drinks and pursued the exit. In a moment of courage, Al sprinted to the bar and poured every drop of alcohol over his rim, leaving no remains. Sergeant Mike Hunt searched the bar up and down, but it was to no avail. All he found was a half cleaned pile of shit, and wrote them a ticket for a minor health code violation. “You got lucky this time, Fatty,” Hunt muttered.

“Go fuck yourself ya rat bastard, and get the fuck out my club,” Fat Tony said with a victorious grin.

Sergeant Hunt and his gang left the club, and Tony looked toward young Al with an approving smile. He puffed his cigar, pointed at the young cup, and said, “you just got yourself a job, kid.”

Check back next week for part two of the Al CUPone series.

The Supreme Man’s Bucket List

Every man’s got awesome shit that he wishes he could do. The type of stuff that creates memories, and make an otherwise ordinary dude – interesting. I can’t say that I’ve completed everything on this bucket list, but I’m damn sure gonna try. You should too. Here are 71 things EVERY man should do before he dies.

1 – Start a collection

2 – Go skydiving

3 – Join the mile high club


4 – Go to Germany during Octoberfest

5 – Climb a mountain, preferably Mount Everest

6 – Learn to count cards: Fuck yeah

7 – Deep sea scuba dive

8 – Raft the whole length of the Colorado river

9 – Visit every continent

10 – Learn to make a fire with your bare hands

11 – Fly in a private jet

12 – Tame a wild animal. Dogs count, but taming a lion would be much more badass

13 – Get a six pack (beer doesn’t count)

14 – Go at least one week without technology

15 – Vote for President Joe Rogan. Why? He’s the fucking man

Joe Rogan performs at Gotham Comedy Club, New York, NY

16 – Go big game hunting

17 – Spend an entire day without saying a word

18 – Engage in a 3some

19 – Start your own business. Just do it

20 – Grow a long beard at least once in your life


21 – Call out someone “superior” to you, like your boss or teacher, when they are talking out of their ass

22 – Grow your own ganja

23 – Ride a fuckin’ camel

24 – Join the century club: take a shot of beer every minute for 100 minutes. Much harder than it sounds kids

25 – Learn to cook. Have a specialty dish that you can whip up at any time

26 – Chop down a tree with an ax, like a MAN

27 – Do some serious demolition


28 – Workout until you puke. Its an experience

29 – Build something with your hands

30 – Perform a Chicago sun roof

31 – Learn how to be effective with a knife

32 – Run a mofuckin marathon

33 – Invent something

34 – Take Ayahuasca in the Amazon

35 – Take a cross-country road trip. Even better if its on a motorcycle

36 – Attend Mardi Gras in New Orleans

37 – Live in the woods for a month. (Hardcore)

38 – Visit Amsterdam on 420

39 – Learn as much as you can about philosophy

40 – Own a boat. Have a shit ton of fun on a boat

41 – Go bungee jumping

42 – Become an expert marksman

43 – Ride the biggest roller coaster in the world

44 – Write a book

45 – Make the perfect cup of coffee. Bullet Proof coffee is a good place to start

46 – Learn to play an instrument

47 – Street race a blazing fast car

48 – Learn a martial art

49 – Sabotage a serious event. Guaranteed awesome memory

50 – Learn to fly fish

51 – Go backpacking through Europe.

52 – Meditate. Good for anyone

53 – Stop being a douchebag

54 – Spit on a baby. Why not? Sometimes its fun to be a douchebag (and hilarious)

55 – Get an ass tat. You will probably regret it, but so what? Fuck it

56 – Go to a huge music festival


57 – Receive a blumpkin 😉

58 – Go skinny dipping

59 – Convince someone random that your a psycho

60 – Stop being a “silly bitch”

61 – Get in a bar fight – win

62 – Get in a bar fight – lose

63 – Go streaking!

64 – Start collecting something dope

65 – Overcome one of your biggest fears

66 – Find a hidden treasure

67 – Throw a massive rager at least once – Project X style

68 – Buy a suit that turns heads

69 – 69

70 – Mike tyson someones ear

71 – Stop caring what people think of you. AKA learn to give 0 shits

How many have you completed? If anyone can prove to me that they’ve done everything on this list I will personally give them a cool grand, a medal, and a cookie.

Mr. Studly signing out

Top 5 Most Beloved New York Athletes

The majority of people in the United States like or follow at least one sports team. Some of the most popular sports in the country include baseball, football, basketball, hockey, and more. I believe that I am one of the biggest sports fans on the face of the earth, and the main reason for this is the area that I live in. New York (especially the big Apple) is a mecca of sports and entertainment and it is home to some of the greatest sports franchises in existence. The Yankees have the most championships of any franchise in all sports with 27 World Series victories, the Giants are tied for 5th overall in the NFL with 4 Super Bowl Victories, and the Knicks and Rangers are two of the most valuable franchises in their respective sports. There have been many wonderful athletes to play for our teams throughout the years, and I have been blessed to be able to  see some of them play myself. I could easily name 100 wonderful athletes to play for New York teams, but in this article I focus on the 5 that I see as the most beloved.

5. Patrick Ewing

The New York Knicks have been one of the least successful franchises in New York. However, they have the highest worth of any team in the NBA. They are now worth around $3 billion which is the highest of any team in the NBA. Playing in New York City at Madison Square Garden, the World’s Most Famous Arena, has allowed them to reach the top of the league in terms of worth. Since the 1990s, the Knicks have accomplished nearly nothing. They have had some good players since then, such as Carmelo Anthony, but none of these players compare to the retired great Patrick Ewing. Ewing was named an all star 11 times, played on the Dream Team in the 1992 Olympic Games, and brought the Knicks to the NBA Finals in 1994 for the first time since 1973. Unfortunately, The Houston Rockets won the series. However, what makes Ewing so special is that he has been the only player since Clyde Frazier in 1973 to lead the Knicks to a finals appearance, and he will always be loved for that.



4. Mark Messier

The New York Rangers are one of the most respected franchises in the NHL. They have only won the Stanley Cup twice, in 1933 and in 1994, but they still remain a very competitive team year after year. Last season, the Rangers lost in the Stanley Cup Finals in 5 games to the Los Angeles Kings. Die hard fans, such as myself, are dying for a victory this year as we are a top 3 team in the NHL. Because 1994 was the last time we won the cup, we constantly look at that team to remember what the Rangers are all about. Mark Messier, “The Captain,” was the best player on that 1994 squad the beat the Vancouver Canucks in the Finals. Because of this, Messier is a god to all Ranger fans and will be forever. Ryan McDonagh, the current captain, would certainly like to earn a legacy like Messier’s.


3. Lou Gehrig

Lou played for the Yankees in the 1920s and 1930s. His rookie season was in 1923, and he would play 15 more for the Yanks, leading them to 6 World Series Titles. At the end of his retirement, he had the record for most consecutive games played in the MLB (2,130). This record was later broken by Cal Ripken Jr. Gehrig batted .361 lifetime in the World Series, making him a hero to all Yankee fans. Unfortunately, in 1939, the “Iron Horse” was diagnosed with ALS. He would later give his “Luckiest Man Speech” which remains one of the most significant speeches in sports history to this day. In 1941, Gehrig passed away, and ALS was nicknamed Lou Gehrig’s Disease.


2. Babe Ruth

Even the biggest geeks in the world know who Babe Ruth is. He is arguably the most famous baseball player of all time, as well as one of the greatest. As seen in the classic movie “The Sandlot,” one would be willing to get attacked by a huge angry dog than to lose a baseball signed by the Babe himself. Babe is known to have been a party animal, who loved food, ladies, and hitting home runs. He hit 714 life time home runs, which was a record that was not broken until 1974. Babe played for the douchebag Boston Red Sox and won 3 Championships as their best player. However, in 1919, the owner of the Sox Harry Frazee was in desperate need of cash. The Yankees bought the rights to Babe for only $100,000. The Red Sox did not win another title until 2004. This drought is known to us today as the “Curse of the Bambino” which was his nickname. He ended up winning 4 Championships with the Yankees, and dominating the MLB for all of those years. Because of his stellar play, Yankee Stadium was given the nickname “The House that Ruth Built.” Babe remains a legend to this day.


1.Derek Jeter

If you hate Derek Jeter, you are a piece of garbage. He has incredible stats and accolades, World Series Titles, and all the girls he wants, and through it all he has remained incredibly humble. Derek Jeter won the World Series as the starting short stop his rookie year in 1996, and would win 4 more after that. He is the Yankees all time hits leader and was named the first Captain since Thurman Munson in 2003. These are ridiculously impressive statistics and accolades to have, and yet, he remains incredibly humble. He is said to give the girls he bangs goody bags when they leave his home in the morning, which shows how nice the dude really is. From 1996 to his retirement this past season, Jeter did not get in any trouble with the law or with the MLB, which is very impressive for a superstar athlete. Jeter is the benchmark for all young athletes, as he serves as the role model for being a god and yet humble. This upcoming season will not be the same without him, and he will be missed dearly by all baseball fans.



I fuckin’ love sports, especially New York Sports. These 5 men are not only gods in the city, but in New York State, New Jersey, and even in the 48 shit hole states.  Meeting these guys would be a dream come true for any sports fan, as they have accomplished so much for their respective teams. Thats all I have to say about that. Macho Man out.

The Compendium of Inspirational Quotes: Number 27 is my Motto


Brace yourself. Im about to open up a can of inspiration. Here are 100 quotes that embody motivation, inspiration and badassery.

1: If unwilling to rise in the morning, say to thyself, ‘I awake to do the work of a man.’ – Marcus Aurelius

2: I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom. – George S. Patton

3: I came. I saw. I conquered. – Julius Caesar

4: We are what we consistently do. Excellence is defined by our habits. –Aristotle

5: Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. –Confucius

6: A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner. – English Proverb

7: He who conquers others is strong. He who conquers himself is mighty. –Lao Tzu

8: Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground. – Theodore Roosevelt

9: Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. – Terry Pratchett

10: And when you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. – Friedrich Nietzsche

11: Don’t let schooling interfere with your education. – Mark Twain

12: A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on. – John F. Kennedy

13: Every man dies, but not every man truly lives. – William Wallace

14: Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde

15: Have I not destroyed my enemy when I have made him into my friend? – Abraham Lincoln

16: They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. – Benjamin Franklin

17: Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough. – William Saroyan

18: When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. – John Lennon

19: Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. – Dwight D. Eisenhower

20: Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. – Lao Tzu

21: The most dangerous man, to any government, is the man who is able to think things out for himself, without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost invariably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane and intolerable, and so, if he is romantic, he tries to change it. And if he is not romantic personally, he is apt to spread discontent among those who are. – HL Mencken



22: Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm. – Winston Churchill

23: If you are going through hell, keep going. – Winston Churchill

24: History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it. – Winston Churchill

25: I am prepared to meet my maker; whether my maker is prepared to meet me is entirely another matter. – Winston Churchill

26: I like a man who grins when he fights. – Winston Churchill



27: A man can be destroyed but not defeated. – Ernest Hemingway

28: Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. – Ernest Hemingway 

29: It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end. – Ernest Hemingway

30: Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another. – Ernest Hemingway


31: Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds. – Albert Einstein

32: You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else. – Albert Einstein

33: Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. – Albert Einstein

34: Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. – Albert Einstein 

35: A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. – Albert Einstein

36: Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is. – Vince Lombardi

37: I’m the one that has to die when its time for me to do, so let me live my life, the way i want to. – Jimi Hendrix

38: Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. you are free. – Jim Morrison

39: Freedom is something that dies unless its used. – Hunter S. Thompson 

40: It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived. – George S. Patton

41: The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall. – Vince Lombardi

42: Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. – Thomas Edison

43: mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind. – John F. Kennedy

44: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. – Robert Frost

45: Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. – Napoleon Hill

46: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. – Wayne Gretzky

47: The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. – Amelia Earhart

48: Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. – Babe Ruth

49: The mind is everything. What you think you become. – Buddha

50: The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. – Chinese Proverb

51: An unexamined life is not worth living. – Socrates

52: You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. – Christopher Columbus

53: I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. – Maya Angelou

54: Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. – Henry Ford

55: Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

56: The best revenge is massive success. – Frank Sinatra

57: People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar

58: There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. – Aristotle

59: Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart. –  Ancient Indian Proverb

60: We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. – Plato

61: Fall seven times and stand up eight. – Japanese Prover

62: When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. – Lao Tzu

63: If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask what seat! Just get on. – Sheryl Sandberg

64: If the wind will not serve, take to the oars. – Latin Proverb

65: You can’t fall if you don’t climb. But there’s no joy in living your whole life on the ground. – Unknown

66: We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained. – Marie Curie

67: I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do. – Leonardo da Vinci

68: What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. – Bob Dylan

69:I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. – Benjamin Franklin

70: The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person who is doing it. – Chinese Proverb

71: There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. – Roger Staubach

72: I would rather die of passion than of boredom. – Vincent van Gogh

73: Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs. – Farrah Gray

74: I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear. – Rosa Parks

75: It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius

76: Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. – Martin Luther King Jr.

77: Do what you can, where you are, with what you have. – Teddy Roosevelt

78: Speak softly and carry a big stick – Teddy Roosevelt

79: Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. – Eleanor Roosevelt

80: All human wisdom is contained in these two words –  Wait and Hope – Alexandre Dumas

81: It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. – Abraham Lincoln

82: Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. –  Benjamin Franklin


83: The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. – Mark Twain

84: Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. – Mark Twain

85: It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. – Mark Twain

86: It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. – Mark Twain

87: The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. – Mark Twain

88: I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde 

89: I am not young enough to know everything. – Oscar Wilde

90: What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. – Henry David Thoreau 

91: If the plan doesn’t work, change the plan, but never the goal. –  Author

92: It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.” – Howard Ruff

93: Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration. – Thomas Edison

94: You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Gandhi

95: Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway. – Earl Nightingale 

96: A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for. –
William G.T. Shedd

97: Either push your limits or die. – Bruce Lee

98: I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time. – Banksy

99: I don’t count my sit-ups. I only start counting when it starts hurting. That is when I start counting, because then it really counts. That’s what makes you a champion. – Muhammad Ali

100: If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said, ‘Faster horses’ – Henry Ford

There you have it. Now go live your life fired up with all that inspiration. If I missed any quotes, comment and let me know.

Mr. Studly signing out.

My Experience With Nootropics

For years I was unable to concentrate on any single task or pick up new skills. It was impossible for me to sit through “boring” lectures, or find the motivation to excel in school. I definitely wasn’t stupid, but I wished that certain aspects of life would come easier.

A couple of years ago In college, I was feeling especially down and low over a horrible semester. My grades were shit, my workouts sucked, and I wasn’t doing as well with the ladies as I had hoped. It’s safe to say I was pretty pissed off about… everything. One night, in a drunken stupor, I found a movie on late-night TV, that would change my life.

Limitless. A movie starring Bradley Cooper, in which an average Joe transforms into the ultimate badass overnight. Cooper’s character was unmotivated, unfocused and unwilling to change his life. Then, he turned it all around, simply by taking a pill. This obviously caught my attention.

Yeah I know its just a movie, and I know movies exaggerate everything. But it got me thinking. The next day, me and my hangover surfed the web hoping to find a pill similar to the NZT-48 from the movie. After reading countless forums and blogs, I finally stumbled upon Nootropics.

Being a skeptic, I researched around the web non-stop trying figure out if these supplements could be as good as everyone said. Of course, some people said they were overrated, while others praised them. After about a week of contemplating, I said screw it, and bought some Nootropics.

I got Aniracetam and Alpha GPC, two supplements that synergistically increase each other’s potency. Together they were supposed to increase HGH levels, memory, cognitive ability, mood, focus and brain health. I was stoked. The day they came was like Christmas morning. I immediately mixed the recommend doses of both supplements in my shaker, and chugged away.

What happened:

Roughly 15 minutes later, my perception started to change. Just watching TV was more pleasurable. Sounds and colors came across in a way that I had never experienced. Everything was so crisp – I loved it. The best part was that they took the edge off of studying and learning. I no longer had to try to focus. It was like I had tunnel vision, there was absolutely no daydreaming in class, when I was working NOTHING else mattered. I was also able to retain the information I learned like never before.

These bad boys also carried over to other aspects of life. Conversation just came easier. There was no anxiety when talking in front of people, and words just seemed to come to me on demand.

Side Effects:

  • A few headaches in the first week that quickly went away
  • Slight decrease in appetite
  • Alcohol tolerance went down (may have been from eating less)
  • A badass short and long term memory
  • Increased reaction time


I’d highly recommend trying Nootropics for any student, athlete, or entrepreneur; The benefits far outweigh any bad side effects. Almost every person who has tried them reports cognitive enhancement as well as improved physical ability (reaction time). As a noob, you can get a great pre-dosed Nootropic formula like Alpha Brain. Personally, I prefer to buy bulk powders at Peak Nootropics. This enables me to pick and choose exactly what I want in my stacks. Plus Peak Nootropics is known for having the highest quality Nootropic powders around.

Think Nootropics are all hype? I did too; don’t knock em’ till you try em’.

If you have any further questions on Nootropics, or want to tell me about your experience, feel free to comment.

Mr. Studly signing out.



37 Phrases You Will Never Hear Again

Walking down the street in any city, you are likely to here some fucked up shit. Whether its about a wife plotting to kill her husband, or some stoner talking about how he slept with an alien, nothing surprises me anymore.

However, here are 37 phrases that even Macho Man has not heard.

1 – That McDonalds employee looks like he’d make a great spouse!

2 – Adolf Hitler had great facial hair!

3 – That  old Asian lady is such a great driver!

4 – Breaking Bad sucks!

5 – The WWF is so realistic with great story lines!

6 – Oh man, I am so upset that my local WNBA team didn’t make the playoffs!

7 –  I don’t think Mike Tyson is retarded!



8 – I am a huge MLS Fan!

9 – The drinking age should be 21!

10 – I love seeing fat girls in bikinis!

11 – Blow job? Nah I’ll pass.

12 – Vagina smells good.

13 – The Kardashians are so talented!

14 – Obama is the greatest president we have ever had!

15 – Fuck it, lets move to Iraq.

16 – Indian houses smell so good!

17 – Yes, hobo, please give me a hug.

18 – Those saggy titties are giving me a half chub.

19 – Those crocs really bring out your tits.

20 – This long division is truly going to help me in the future!

21 – My dream job is to masturbate elephants in Africa.

22 – You have ebola? …Lets screw!

23 – Oh no! Im not gonna touch that, she aint got no genital warts!

24 – There is no incest in Alabama!

25 – Stephen Hawking was the best fuck of my life.201092182324866797_20

26 – My name is Juan Carlos Jose Maria de la Cruz Sanchez Guzmano, and I am 100% Irish!

27 – That Volkswagen Jetta really brings out your masculinity!

28 -These nootropics’s don’t work!

29 – Can we please make out after you give me head!

30 – I only date girls that 6’10″” or taller!

31 – I love dropping loads in public restrooms!

32 – She’s gotta have a mean bush or its a no go!

33 – (Home alone for hours, no girlfriend) – no jerking off for me!

34 – Amish Rager…lets fucking go!

35 – Will Ferrel is not funny!

36 – Out of Commission isn’t a good drinking game.

37 – Macho Man doesn’t pull hella tail!

You’ve heard these 37 phrases here, you’ll never hear them again!

And that’s all I have to say about that. Macho Man out.

Top 10 Celebrity Rumps

One of the most popular conversations among college students is the epic debate…tits or ass? Violent arguments and battles have taken place over this delicate subject, and friendships have been scourged. Today, Macho Man will spice up this debate with some very persuading pictures and comments on the Top 10 Celebrity Rumps.

Lets dive right in:

Number 10: Shakira


This Colombian Princess has been in the music scene since ‘Nam. As a young kid, I always liked her for her catchy music and unique “yodeling” voice. However, I eventually hit puberty, became a horny bastard, and no longer liked her for her music. My liking for her became all about her perfectly shaped athletic booty, that all girls yearn for. Her hips do not lie.

Number 9: Scarlett Johansson


This dime piece has come a long way from one of her first acting roles in the shitty “Home Alone 3.” She played an ugly teenage older sister that did not even show any potential for the future. Holy fuck. That all changed so quickly. Now, it is nearly impossible to not get at least a half chub just looking at her.

Number 8: Sofia Vergara


“Modern Family” is a quality show, but in all honesty, half of its viewers are horny men looking to see Sofia’s hooters bouncing around California. Those titties are always exposed in the show, but the booty is a hidden gem that is only revealed once in a blue moon. Tan, shapely, and quite plump. Who the fuck knew?

Number 7: Adriana Lima


The only reason I watch the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show every year is to see this babe walking down the runway in lingerie. She is a diamond in the rough, as many of the other VS models are 6’2″” and built like 12 year old boys. Although her rump isn’t gonna overwhelm you with size, its perfection cannot be ignored. I see her Brazilian Booty in my dreams. Hallelujah!

Number 6: Jennifer Lopez


“Jenny from the block” has been in the game since I was in the womb. This Puerto Rican Mama remains a smoke show at age 45, but in her prime, she was blowing people away with her buns. Although it has shrunk in size since her heyday, these cheeks rival the best in the game.

Number 5: Iggy Azalea


When she raps, it sounds like a mule being raped by an elephant. Her music literally gives me fuckin’ ear infections, yet, I put up with it for DAT ASSSSSS. This Australian Kangaroo hops around the US shaking her booty for all to see. Change my name to Joey, because I wanna live in that pouch.

Number 4: Coco Tea


Fake as fuck. However, I am fappin’ to that as we speak. Ice-Tea hits that with authority on the daily, and mixes his milk with her Coco Puffs for a  delicious and nutritious breakfast. I would love to be a Special Victim to that booty.

Number 3: Nicki Minaj



If you didn’t think this would be on the list, you were sadly mistaken. She takes a lot of heat for being fake, but nevertheless no real man would deny a face sit. I would eat her ass like a cupcake Saturday through Sunday Monday, Monday through Sunday, yo.

Number 2: Amber Rose


Clearly, both Kanye and Wiz are on “Team Ass” for the legendary debate. Amber Rose: she may not be a household name, but her ass surely is the size of one. The twerking era is slowly dying down, but Amber’s videos  are always a nice treat.

And last but certainly not least…

Number 1: Kim Kardashian


Brb, gotta rub one out real quick.

(1 min 15 seconds later)

Oh my. New record… Talentless. Annoying. Slutty. Who the fuck cares. This booty is not human. She is a goddess walking amongst mortals.

And that’s all I have to say about that. Macho Man out.

The 25 Best Comebacks of All Time

There’s nothing better than a perfect comeback. That moment when you completely burn your foe and disfigure their argument with one single blow.

The problem with the perfect comeback is that, well, it doesn’t usually come to you until hours later. Leaving you with that “DAMMIT, I should of said that before” moment. Good thing Mr. Studly is here to help you with that. For your benefit, I have compiled a list of go-to comebacks that can be useful in any given situation. Read on and reap the benefits of always having the perfect comeback.

Lets begin

Lead someone to an empty room…


Or tell them what they really are:


The comment after the comeback:


Get the damn sandwich


This conversation ender:


Or as drunk Harry Potter would say:


For the shit talker:


This true comeback:


Yo mama so fat:


This awesome parenting advice:

Can’t go wrong with a simple:


or this husband comeback:


When someone’s trying to throw down:


To the stoner friend:


Can you do math?


Yo mama so hairy:




Don’t look at me


I’m so interested in what you have to say




Not me…




Hell yeah Heisenberg


The ultimate comeback:


And lastly, on a serious note:


Now that I have armed you with some great comebacks, go out and always make sure you have the last word! Memorize some of your favorites and always be that clever guy.

If there are any funny comebacks that you think I missed (which there obviously are) feel free to comment and tell me about them. Until next time, stay classy bros.

Mr. Studly signing out.

Smolov: The Russian Squat Routine from Hell



Smolov, the Russian squat routine that is the secret weapon in the arsenal of every serious lifter. In a mere 13 weeks people have boosted their squat by up to 100 pounds. Thats basically a body metamorphosis from this:

Skinnyguy to this: strongfortbell


Smolov was designed by legendary Russian sports master Sergey Smolov. And just like everything else Russian: Smolov is HARDCORE. I do not recommend this routine for the novice lifter; Smolov is created for serious lifters who need to take their game to the next level. A minimum of one year of dedicated training is a prerequisite for this program.

Smolov is PAINFUL, brutal even. This program is not for the faint of heart. It is for individuals absolutely determined to get results, even at the cost of agonizing mental pain. Surviving Smolov is for more than just the insane results, its for the unflinching confidence that comes along with it; the satisfaction of knowing that you are mentally and physically tougher than 99% of the population. Smolov is truly a test of one’s manhood… If you think you’ve got what it takes, read on and give Smolov a go.

How it works

Smolov is split into 4 separate phases totaling 13 weeks of brutal work.

Phase 1 (weeks 1-2): An introduction into the hell that you will soon be facing. In the intro phase you will squat every other day–slowly working up to a heavy single–and stretching a lot.

Phase 2 (weeks 3-6): Now the fun begins. This is the base cycle where you will be squatting FOUR times a weeks for the next three weeks. Monday: 4 sets of 9. Wednesday: 5 x 7. Friday: 7 x 5. Saturday: 10 x 3. The weight you use will increase each workout and each week. Following these three weeks you will have a semi-rest week, where you will only squat once with the goal of setting a new PR.

Phase 3 (weeks 7-8): By this point your body is done. Your legs have basically reached their human limit. Smolov plans for this. In phase 3 you will get 2 well-deserved deload weeks. Here you will focus on recovery, while keeping your legs in prime shape. But don’t get too comfortable, we’re about to unload the dog shit.

Phase 4 (weeks 9-13): The intensity cycle. Henceforward your definition of pain will forever be the image of you squatting. God may come down and ask you if he can “work in a set”. Here you will squat 3 times a week at high percentages of your max. Click here for the full Smolov spreadsheet to find out what numbers to use throughout the program.

Things to avoid

  • Don’t be an idiot. Listen I live for partying, but Smolov is a commitment. Its not for the weekend warrior who’s gonna go out and drink four nights a week. You’ll just piss your gains right away.
  • Not sleeping right. Having a solid sleep schedule will be crucial to your success with Smolov. This routine will be the center of your life for 13 weeks; you must shape everything else you do around your squatting. Without proper sleep you will be destined for failure.
  • Not eating enough. This is one of the only times I will tell you to engage in the “see food” diet. Literally eat whatever you can get your hands on, your body will need it. Don’t even worry about picking up a few ounces of fat, your body will be in such a carnivorous state that everything will be picked up as fuel. I’ve talked to people who’ve told me that the only thing that got them through Smolov was a tub of ice cream each night.
  • Absolutely no deadlifting, your lower body will not be able to handle it. And don’t even worry about your deadlift numbers going down, I’ve seen many people who have actually increased their deadlift by 50+ pounds during Smolov. Ideally, I would recommend almost no other training  during Smolov, it takes THAT much out of you. That being said, you can bench–and do other upper body work–at your own risk.
  • Missing workouts. It will suck. There will be days when you have no desire to squat whatsoever, but you will have to. Blast some music, slap yourself silly, scream, whatever you have to do, do it.

Things to do

  • Squat (duh)
  • Eat
  • Drink lots of milk (preferably whole)
  • Stretch/ foam roll
  • Get a partner – you may need a bro (preferably a stud) to motivate you on those days when you feel like you can’t walk.

What to realistically expect

Bigger guys will usually gain more than smaller guys. A 100 pound gain is not realistic for someone weighing 165, squatting 315. But gains in the 60 pound range are surely possible. If you cannot yet squat at least 300, I would seriously recommend doing a routine like Stronglifts 5×5 first. Since Smolov works off of percentages, someone with a squat under 300 pounds is in danger of working with numbers extremely close (or even above) their max. Plus if you can’t squat in the 3’s yet you still have a lot of room to grow with a linear program, no need for this advanced shit yet.

Another lovely side effect of Smolov is how it will make your bod look. Many people doing Smolov gain muscle while losing fat, so expect a huge transformation.


I know what you may be asking. “Okay, so I can make some insane gains on my squat and dead, but how about my bench?” Well for that info subscribe to my mailing list, and find out when my next lifting article comes out!

Remember Smolov is not for the average dude, it is for the strong-headed, tough-as-nails type – who refuses to quit. If you survive Smolov, you will be part of a select group of hard mofos, be cocky, you deserve it.

For any other questions, comment and I will answer ASAP.

Mr. Studly signing out.





Top 10 studs of all time

What exactly is a stud? Who qualifies to be called one? How do I become one? All great questions. Mr. Studly is here to help… Urban Dictionary defines a stud in the following ways:

1) a small piece of metal, often bolt shaped (seen often on belts and such). 2) a small earring with a rounded top often used for piercing and worn by both men and women. 3) a male animal desirable for breeding (like a racehorse). 4) a guy who is popular with the ladies and has no trouble getting laid, and who may also be attractive-looking, but not always. 5) a butch lesbian.

For the purpose of this post, we will be referring to definition number four (and perhaps three also)… Now, to answer your questions above, we will delve into the psyche (not really) of ten of the most prolific studs of all time. Stick around, learn, and MAYBE you too can earn the coveted title of stud. Lets begin:

10: Leonardo DiCaprio

The golden boy of our generation. There isn’t a girl on this planet who doesn’t want a slice of Leo. Ever since Titanic, DiCaprio has had the ability to plow any chick he wanted. And his prowess hasn’t halted in recent years. After a breakup, Leo was seen leaving a club with 20 girls – all for him (For more info on this story check out BroBible’s report). For God’s sake he’s the wolf of wall street!


9: Richard Branson

Where do you begin with this guy? Billionaire, daredevil, philanthropist, owner of the title “Dr. Yes”. Branson even wrote a book called Screw it, Let’s Do it. I haven’t read the book, but i think we can guess what its about.

Richard Brandson, Catherine Blackbee


8: Ben Franklin

Ben Franklin is the odd ball of this list. But what most people don’t know is that Franklin was a stud of legendary proportions . He started every day by standing butt-naked in front of his window for the world to see… Doesn’t get much more ballsy than that. Better yet, he was known as the booze-hounding womanizer of the founding fathers. Plus what girl doesn’t want to get down with the dude who discovered electricity?



7: Elvis

You know the saying “sex, drugs, and rock&roll”. Well that term wouldn’t be around if it wasn’t for Elvis. This stud basically created rock music, and thus kick started America out of the prudish place it once was. Thank you kind sir.



6: Gene Simmons

The face-painted, long-tongued, jewish best bud we all wish we had. This stud not only claims that he has knocked boots with 5,000 women, but he can prove it. Unlike other supposed studs who claim to have slain a ridiculous amount of poon, Simmons has picture proof of it all. God bless.



5: Wilt Chamberlain

In his book A View From Above, Wilt claims that he has been the degrader of roughly 20,000 women. If we do the math, that means starting at the age of 15 he had sex with approximately 1.4 women a day. Hard to believe? Consider that Chamberlain is a 7’1″ hall of famer who once scored 100 points in a game. Still need convincing? Note that Chamberlain is a self-admitted fan of threesomes.



4: Dan Bilzerian

This man needs no introduction. Dan Bilzerian is the multimillionaire, Navy Seal trained, poker playing “King of Instagram”. Bilzerian is a gift from God to all non-studs who get to live vicariously through him. His Instagram is an endless fountain of sexy girls, guns, and mula.



3: Hugh Hefner

We all knew this was coming. Hugh Hefner is an urban legend, the godfather of all modern playboys (and of course the magazine). The lifestyle he lives is absurd; but a fairy tale to us mere mortals. Hugh has changed the world for the better, and for that, we thank you old buddy.



2: Genghis Khan

The war lord, the pillager, the ancestor of .5% of all men. Yes, you heard that right. Genghis khan’s seed has spread so far that over 16 million men can trace their lineage to his dong. You thought Wilt Chamberlain slayed  a lot? Impregnating women was Genghis’ day job.



And now number 1………..


1: Justin Bieber.. Lol jk Mr. Studly

Mr. Studly can not be defined. His steeze is unreal. His swagger is off the charts. His number of conquests are unfathomable. He is the stud of all studs.

Now it is your job to further your research into these legendary figures, and hopefully, follow in their footsteps.

Comment and tell me if I missed someone who should’ve made the list.

Mr. Studly signing out.